First half of book 7, extremely rough draft

[swimmer963]

This covers the aftermath to the ending of book 6, so unsurprisingly there is a LOT OF DRAMA. This feels like a pretty critical arc for the overall story, so I'm taking a pause to get people's thoughts and decide if I want to make changes before I keep going. (I rushed to get this out of my head before our work retreat, so it's really extremely rough, e.g. probably still full of typos and possibly scenes I forgot to finish. Sorry.) 

Contains: ok, not even going to list themes, it's literally just everyone having feelings for 80,000 words somehow. 

Book 7 first half EPUB
Book 7 first half MOBI

(Spoilers for book 6 below) 

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Note: I made some modifications to the ending of book 6 - roughly, Vanyel copes about 30% better and talks himself down from the belltower *before* Melody and Savil find him. I also split the final Leareth conversation into two halves, one before and one after Yfandes leaves. See here for just the last 2 chapters (google doc). 

Comments

[liana12]

I'm starting to hate you. Once again you posted when I'm drowned in work and can't read it until in two weeks time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[swimmer963]

Bahaha, sorry! If I get a slightly-less-disastrously-rough draft done before then, I'll add a link to it.

[kaza999]

ok confession; i skipped right to where yfandes and van reunited, because i love them, and it was just the sweetest thing!! famdes acknowledging she fucked up, and van choosing her, and the way that he saw her human shape, and also the implication of companion programming fucking up human relationships--i love that scene and will probably reread it like 8 times. i love how this whole episode kinds of separates van and yfandes further from the other heralds and companions--yfandes has just rejected her companion compulsions, and that's an interesting development.

also so glad to see moondance and starwind again! i'm so happy van has moondance especially--i think moondance, of all the characters, has a special relationship with van. i think they're the two characters with the biggest regrets, especially regarding their magic.

and i am fascinated by the concept of heralds trusting their companions, because it's a good question under the circumstances.

[swimmer963]

Aww I am so glad the Van/Yfandes reunion worked well! This section was sooooo hard to write bc I was trying to wrap my head around the messy, crazy feelings people are inevitably having about this.

(I really want to write a scene where Melody completely loses her shit at Yfandes, righteously pisses on Van’s behalf and taking out all her frustrations from the whole ordeal on an available target.)

How did the rest work for you? (Or, I’m confused, do you mean you haven’t read the beginning yet and just skipped right to the Yfandes reunion chapter?)

I am super delighted to have Starwind and Moondance around too. Moondance is one of my favorite characters to write and, yeah, he has a unique relationship with Van and is able to support him here when even Savil can’t really.

[kaza999]

Well I read mostly the Yfandes parts, and skipped around a lot. Haven't gotten to a more thorough reading yet, and I know a lot will change, it being an early draft.

However I think more should be made of the companion programming--Fandes said she needed to make sure she wouldn't accidentally repudiate Van, and I think that's really important. I think van and fandes should definitely talk about that more, especially with how van has had concerns about the ethics of compulsions before.

It's one thing to not be able to trust someone because of the way they behave, it's another to not be able to because of a magic spell, and I think once they get a handle on the situation fandes and van will be angry about that.

I think it would be interesting to see how this impacts their relationship with the other heralds and companions--They're in a really unique situation here, and I'd love to see the implications of that explored more.

[swimmer963]

Yep! There is a ton of further exploration to be done here (I mostly ended it where I did because I ran out of time before having to fly to Europe). Van & Yfandes have not really addressed any of what happened yet, or thought through the implications it has for Heralds in general, and it's going to take them a *long* time to rebuild their relationship and trust each other.

[liana12]

I hope you're enjoying Europe, wherever you are :). Of cOurse, I spent a whole day reading instead of working and now I'm writinG about it instead of clearing the backlog. Must have got infected with some of that Van's self-destructiveness. That said, I liked all of it very much, and it doesnt feel like a draft at all. It feels quite completed, actually. I can't wait for more Yfandas -Van stuff, they do need to clear the air between them and think it all through, dont they. And Van seems a bit better, like he stopped overthinking all the time; that guy is a blatant example how thinking too much is bad for everything (I always say that to students during exams. They overthink and then correct good answers into erroneous ones. But somehow, they find it very funny to be told not to think too much by a professor and dont listen anyway :) ). I have just one caveat: MORE STEFEN PLEASE...

[swimmer963]

Woo! (Sorry to ruin your productivity...)

Yeah, Van & Yfandes have a LOT to resolve. I am going to dig into that more, but this section got long enough with just Heraldic Circle related drama.

I don’t think Van is done having the overthinking-everything problem, it’s definitely a deeply ingrained trait he has, but he is a bit better on it in this arc. I’m just relieved that people are finally actually communicating again!

Were there any scenes before Yfandes comes back that you would like to see expanded/explored further? Or anything that seemed out of character?

[liana12]

Actually, I especially appreciated one thing you did (not liked - I'm not such a sadist :) ), and it's how you kicked the rug from under everybody's feet (or whatever the English expression is for shaking the basis of someone's world) with putting in doubt Companions' credibility and trustworthiness. Actually it nearly made me smirk at Randy, like "and now, you'll see how difficult a normal government has it", but he's too ill to be so mean to him. I like your Moondance very much - soo in character and much more developed than in canon. I did have a doubt re practical side of administration - why cant they have non-heraldic magistrates to take care of the budget and such stuff, instead of loosing the time of one of the very few mages on it? But then I started thinking on late-medieval administration (whose history I actually teach, among others), and I think you're perfectly right. Historically (so to speak) Valdemar is in an age of transition between an early state and something more sophisticated. When one reads chronicles from this period, it turns out that every really good king was so busy they got up before dawn and worked hard all day to somehow keep track of all the state matters, only slowly realizing the need to delegate beyond the few trusted councillors. So you hit bull's-eye on this. There is one character out of character (hmmm) for me, and it's Tantras. In canon he is steady, quiet, good-humoured, a good man and reliable friend without being too wise or thinking too much, the opposite to Vanyel. Yours is completely different, and to be honest, I'm not very fond of him, but he is very consistently different from the beginning, so that's perfectly k within your version. And I would like more Stefen, but that's just a personal crush because I absolutely love your version of him, and I haven't any idea where you could expand on him :)

[swimmer963]

Re medieval history, cool! I get most of my history advice from my brother, and a lot of how Valdemar runs is based on my experience working at small organizations. (And, yeah, they super clearly need to offload a bunch of the stuff, like the budget!)

Re Tran, yeah, I don’t think I had a super good handle on his personality in the books, so I probably replaced it with something that seemed more interesting. And, to be honest, I needed someone to be the asshole in this ;(. I think I could make an argument that book 2-3 Tran is more similar to the canon character, and the divergence is due to things that happen differently after that - his being Chosen by Taver, needing to stretch past his limits to grow into that role, and then losing Taver (and the fact that the current crisis brings up a lot of that baggage is not helping.) I also think that canon Tran would be the character with the strongest reaction against Van using blood-magic, because he is a fairly straightforward person, good-hearted but less likely to think deeply and question things.

I love Stef and hopefully there will be lots more of him soon! It was hard to work him in much for this section, since he’s not in the loop on the current crisis.

[liana12]

Btw (writing syllabi on legal history, hence the post), if you get in mood for an administrative reform in Valdemar, what about using the way it really happened? In every single medieval state, when the king and his great council could no longer handle all the state affairs, new institutions were created, first as specialized departments of the Council, then as independent ones. In France it was the royal court first, in England the Exchequer, modeled on the Norman one and probably the most effective tax collecting institution in Europe. All of this was manned no longer by aristocrats, but by professional magistrates, usually educated for the purpose at newly emerging universities.Something like this could ease everyone's workload :).

[swimmer963]

Ooh! That sounds like some fascinating stuff to explore! Randi is definitely the sort of King who would push through reforms (and, because of his illness, I think he's going to be forced to delegate a lot more than e.g. Elspeth was). I might have to do some research into these historical institutions!

[liana12]

If you do, try books on legal history rather than general history; in the former you'll get the process of state shaping distilled from most historical event and easier to follow. And if you read French, especially books on "Histoire des institutions" are really good for that purpose. Good luck with reforming Valdemar :)

Reunion!

[gildaurel]

I was so happy to see the next part of this and Vanyel and Yfandes reunited at last! I did appreciate Vanyel seeming to make peace with many people and issues plaguing him- it’s good to see him somewhat more stable and joyful. I do find Tantras a bit irksome, but I see why you made him that way— and he is better by the end as well.

I’m really missing Stefen in this part, but only because he’s my favorite, ever. I think you do a good job here of showing why Vanyel wouldn’t have had a partner for so long, what with all the insanity in his life.

Re: Reunion!

[swimmer963]

Yeah, I also missed Stef a bunch in this section! He is one of my favorites to write (maybe second only to Jisa). I need to sit down and put some thought into a subplot for him in the second half, so that he can get some more screentime. (I might be able to shoehorn another scene with him into this section, but he doesn't have that much to do with the current drama). Unfortunately it's still way too early for Van & Stef to end up together.

I do feel bad about how irksome I made Tantras ;P I think everyone who's a fan of him in canon is annoyed with me. I do hope to have him be less annoying going forward, as he reconciles with Van and works through some of his own issues.

Re: Van – somewhat to my surprise, I think this section was wildly positive for him overall? It's eased a lot of the strain between him and other characters, and he isn't going to be alone in figuring out what to do about Leareth. Things aren't going to be easy for Van & Yfandes, in terms of rebuilding their closeness, but I think maybe they can get back to a better place than before this happened.