I really, really like your writing style – you're incredibly good at conveying complex emotional tones in a way that's really poetic without being too wordy. The pacing is great and things are always moving along, but every once in a while you pull out a phrase that goes BAM right in the feels and then I just have to stop and blink at it for a while.
"As long as I have magic, they aren't safe. I'm not sure anyone on Velgarth is.” Poor Van, walking around basically thinking of himself as a weapon of mass destruction (because everyone else kinda does).
"Van stepped back to look that paradox straight in the eye, and for a moment he lost himself completely, in a blue like the heart of an old star; an ancient fire that would not die." Love this so much. I'm a huge fan of evocative descriptive stuff about Companions (you may have noticed).
"No time to think. Never, ever time to think, and he took what he was offered, a thin and tired hand in his own. That casual touch hoisting him upward only gave him a deeper rapport with his enemy - the man had little hope, little conviction. Only love and cameraderie, and an abiding urge to see the sun, as if dawn would make the world well again.” You do such a good job of capturing the world-weariness of people who've been out in the field for waaaaay too long. Actually, the whole thing does that really well.
"Energy that came from rest and food that Stef wasn't taking because he never had to feel the need for anything but the music. Deep inside, he still sang." AAAAAAAAA STEF ok but seriously I read the final section like 10 times in a row. I'm also such a sucker for any kind of scene that involves someone being critically ill and Healers (former ICU nurse here, I could geek out about the mechanics of magical Healing all day).
Other likes: *You write uncomfortable social interactions really well. Good mix of painfully awkward and hilarious, so it kind of hurts but I still want to read it. (I'm terrible at writing social awkwardness and conflict, my failure mode is all the characters being too reasonable and nice unless I'm deliberately *trying* to think of conflicts).
*I really like how you touch on the "spirit of Valdemar" theme. "The spirit behind his words was the purest Valdemaran thing that Vanyel knew, people who would do anything for each other to survive together. It was in every song of the Founding." It's super poignant, I think it'd be easy for it to feel preachy if it was too explicit but I think you point it out the right amount?
I enjoyed the battlefield and tactics stuff but I think some of the time I had a hard time visualizing what was going on? So I was ending up tracking the ambiance/emotional tones more than what they were doing.
Would love to see more detail on Fath, he seems intriguing but I agree he's more a sketch of a character than fleshed-out.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-01-11 01:04 am (UTC)I really, really like your writing style – you're incredibly good at conveying complex emotional tones in a way that's really poetic without being too wordy. The pacing is great and things are always moving along, but every once in a while you pull out a phrase that goes BAM right in the feels and then I just have to stop and blink at it for a while.
"As long as I have magic, they aren't safe. I'm not sure anyone on Velgarth is.” Poor Van, walking around basically thinking of himself as a weapon of mass destruction (because everyone else kinda does).
"Van stepped back to look that paradox straight in the eye, and for a moment he lost himself completely, in a blue like the heart of an old star; an ancient fire that would not die." Love this so much. I'm a huge fan of evocative descriptive stuff about Companions (you may have noticed).
"No time to think. Never, ever time to think, and he took what he was offered, a thin and tired hand in his own. That casual touch hoisting him upward only gave him a deeper rapport with his enemy - the man had little hope, little conviction. Only love and cameraderie, and an abiding urge to see the sun, as if dawn would make the world well again.” You do such a good job of capturing the world-weariness of people who've been out in the field for waaaaay too long. Actually, the whole thing does that really well.
"Energy that came from rest and food that Stef wasn't taking because he never had to feel the need for anything but the music. Deep inside, he still sang." AAAAAAAAA STEF ok but seriously I read the final section like 10 times in a row. I'm also such a sucker for any kind of scene that involves someone being critically ill and Healers (former ICU nurse here, I could geek out about the mechanics of magical Healing all day).
Other likes:
*You write uncomfortable social interactions really well. Good mix of painfully awkward and hilarious, so it kind of hurts but I still want to read it. (I'm terrible at writing social awkwardness and conflict, my failure mode is all the characters being too reasonable and nice unless I'm deliberately *trying* to think of conflicts).
*I really like how you touch on the "spirit of Valdemar" theme. "The spirit behind his words was the purest Valdemaran thing that Vanyel knew, people who would do anything for each other to survive together. It was in every song of the Founding." It's super poignant, I think it'd be easy for it to feel preachy if it was too explicit but I think you point it out the right amount?
I enjoyed the battlefield and tactics stuff but I think some of the time I had a hard time visualizing what was going on? So I was ending up tracking the ambiance/emotional tones more than what they were doing.
Would love to see more detail on Fath, he seems intriguing but I agree he's more a sketch of a character than fleshed-out.